New element discovered - Governmentium (en francais)

The following was printed in today's Windsor Star, Letters to the Editor. I just had to share it. It's one of the best I've read in a long time

The real science of 'governmentium'

Letter

Monday, October 17, 2005


A Canadian research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science, governmentium.

It has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons for a body mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons that are further surrounded by vast quantities of sub-particles called peons. Governmentium has no electrons and is therefore inert.

Its presence can be detected, however, since it often gives off hot air and also impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact.

A tiny amount of governmentium can take a reaction that normally occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it may take days and even weeks.

Governmentium particles do not ever weaken but seem to reorganize themselves into perpetual, shape-changing elements.

This reconstitution appears to confuse the peons who somehow - scientists are not sure how or why - are always able to regroup themselves and support the morons and governmentium.

This metamorphous actually stimulates the growth of surplus governmentium making the peons look more like overtaxed isodopes.

The peon and isodope reaction phenomenon has led to speculation that reconstituted governmentium expansion occurs more often whenever sufficient morons meet in concentration forming critical morass.

Researchers believe that in governmentium, the larger the mass, the morass you cover.

Tecumseh